Saturday, July 19, 2008

In which the blogger just can't wait any longer, dammit

My butt has been puckering in anticipation of The Dark Knight for weeks. What can I say? The dark anti-hero thing turns me on. Let the following be a precursory nod to what is sure to be my very first film-induced orgasm.


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

In which the blogger just doesn't really know what to say about Bessy's fart backpack

Cow Farts Collected in Plastic Tank for Global Warming Study
By Rupert Neate
Last Updated: 9:55PM BST 09/07/2008


Scientists are examining cow farts and burps in a novel bid to combat global warming.

Experts said the slow digestive system of cows makes them a key producer of methane, a potent greenhouse gas that gets far less public attention than carbon dioxide.

In a bid to understand the impact of the wind produced by cows on global warming, scientists collected gas from their stomachs in plastic tanks attached to their backs.

The Argentine researchers discovered methane from cows accounts for more than 30 per cent of the country's total greenhouse emissions.

As one of the world's biggest beef producers, Argentina has more than 55 million cows grazing in its famed Pampas grasslands.

Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 8000 to 1,000 litres of emissions every day.

Methane, which is also released from landfills, coal mines and leaking gas pipes, is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.

Scientists are now carrying out trials of new diets designed to improve cows's digestion and hopefully reduce global warming. Silvia Valtorta, of the National Council of Scientific and Technical Investigations, said that by feeding cows clover and alfalfa instead of grain "you can reduce methane emissions by 25 percent".

Monday, July 14, 2008

In which the blogger shakes his beautiful, perfectly-shaped head in disbelief

No ma'am. No.

"One somewhat-sunny day, after suffering a grueling day of hat hair, Lauren literally pulled her baseball-style cap apart. She wondered if a cap with a hole in front might solve her problems, and began some serious and not-so-serious research into cap design. After multiple trips to fabric and craft stores, and a sack filled with experiments gone wrong, something interesting happened.

To her surprise, she had created a cap that was curiously comfortable. It was flattering. It was a solution to hat hair. And to top it off, the visor could be detached from the cap, so the wearer could choose from two different looks.

And now, after dealing with the usual headaches that plague new business, Bang-go® caps are headed to the marketplace.

"It might seam like a gimmick. It's 'cute', and it does keep hair out of your eyes," Lauren says, "but once you try it on, you'll know it's really all about comfort."

No.


.......................NO.

VIDEO: Cookie Monster F-Bomb

For Senor Roberto Helfen. Happy Birthday!

In which the blogger gets personal on your ass about someone getting personal on his

Never, ever....EVER...underestimate the value of a quick, secret, and hot booty call from your boyfriend. The recouperative powers of such an encounter boggle the mind.

And it makes me feel naughty, which is very rarely a bad thing.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

In which the blogger yawns, stretches, and slits his wrists

So far this morning, I've woken up at 7 am with cotton mouth and a searing hangover; had a panic attack; ordered a java chip Frappucino and received a watery disgusting mess; had an hour-long fight with my boyfriend while driving a friends car (that I'm not insured on) in spite of the fact that I don't even possess a valid driver's license; fought with Sunday morning Lakeview traffic to secure a parking space near my building; spilled tuna water all over my kitchen counter.

So far this morning, my cat has woken up in the blazing Chicago morning sun; received a neck massage; eaten six salmon treats; chased a Coke bottle cap across the room a few times; taken a nap; gotten tangled in a cable wire; gotten brushed twice; received three more treats; eaten half a can of tuna.

That cat has my fucking life.