In which the blogger fights with the voice in his head, which sounds much more fun and far less exhausting than it actually is

I keep asking myself, "What do you want?"

Frustrated, myself answers, "When has anyone ever known the answer to that question?"

Me: "Everyone else seems so...mobile. Moving in a direction. They have momentum. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm burning up all my fuel spinning my tires."
Myself: "You just made a car reference."
Me: "I know. Ew. But you get what I mean."
Myself: "Sure."
Me: "Why does it feel that way? Does everyone else have this built-in capacity to confidently move in their respective directions that I lack? And, if they do, why do I lack it?"
Myself: "You're younger than most of those people, for one, and need I remind you-- you were immensely successful once. It doesn't mean you're done. You've always worried about this."
Me: "Yeah, and look what it's gotten me. ADD; a very serious anxiety issue; a solid track record of hurt; an acute inability to trust; this sense of stalling in so many things..."
Myself: "A bottomless potential for creativity; an ability to see through the bullshit; the ability to love someone deeper than most; talent; intelligence; a mystique."
Me: "A mystique?"
Myself: "Yes. I also doesn't hurt that you have a tight ass and flat stomach."
Me: "Okay, fine."
Myself: "You're in a holding pattern right now, and that's okay. You really think you're the only one who hasn't figured all this stuff out? Please. Listen to those people sometime, will ya? It's okay to maintain stability while finding the answer to that question up there. "
Me: "What if I don't?"
Myself: "What if you get hit by a train??"
Me: "I really don't like you somedays."
Myself: "But some days you see how luminous I really am."